Maranta (maranta) wrote,
Maranta
maranta

standing at the crossroads

So, as everyone who's been reading my journal for a while knows, I am applying to med school.
Interview invitations have been rolling in from the schools that I know are my best prospects (one of them accepts practically EVERYONE they interview), so I feel pretty confident that I am going to get accepted SOMEWHERE.
And somehow...I'm not as happy as I thought I would be about it. I'm not happy at all, actually. Lately, I feel quite empty inside. I am questioning if med school is truly what I want.

It's like now that I've proven to myself that I CAN do it...I'm not sure that I WANT to do it.

Now that my goal is within my reach, suddenly the enormity of the whole decision is sinking in like never before. I am keenly aware of just how much I am going to be sacrificing to go down this road and I'm NOT sure that I love medicine enough that it's truly worth it.

One side of me says: Everything I've done before this point has been leading up to this. This is what all those years of taking care of my father were training me for...to give me the motivation and compassion to be a good physician.
But another side, which has suddenly become much stronger and more insistent, says: I want to have free time to enjoy my family. I want a life. I don't want to be overwhelmed with paperwork, bureaucracy, lawsuits, and all the other crap that most docs deal with nowadays.

Dentistry offers a far more sane, family-friendly lifestyle than medicine does. I am seriously contemplating waiting until next year to apply to dental school rather than going through with med school next fall as currently planned.

Not sure yet how this will turn out. I am thinking of starting to study for the DAT.
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